Day #IDGAF

I am leading with the statement that I love my children. Above all, that is true.

What is also true is that this new normal we are living is slowly killing me. I’m doing this new thing where I’m honest and transparent, and I am not going to act like everything is fine when it isn’t. I never wanted to be a SAHM. I sure AF didn’t want to homeschool. Now I’m doing both and working from home. I am happy to have more one on one with my kids, but at the same time I am losing myself.

If anything, this entire experience is giving me PTSD from when I was trapped home with my separated parents for 2wks in a snowstorm. I don’t want to scar my children, but I am not good being cooped up.

I want to thank everyone that has texted, called, emailed to check up on me. It’s nice to know I cannot disappear without someone noticing.

I don’t apologize for being frustrated with motherhood. This is an unprecedented situation that we are living with. I signed up for a lot, but not this. This is testing every limit I could possibly have.

I am sure when this is over, I will be stronger, smarter, safer. But for now, I’m worried and scared and missing my people.

I’m gonna try to write more often—it makes me feel stronger to let it all out. And I have a lot to say. But that’s all for tonight.

As always, thank you for listening. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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