I love gardening. I know that sounds hokey, but I love planting, transplanting, growing big herds of plants that I can then thin out to plants somewhere else in the yard.  I have Cannas all over, and they are all the children of like 6 plants that I bought 5yrs ago.  I have Elephant Ears EVERYWHERE, and I remember that I only bought 4.  FOUR.  Earlier this summer I dug up 7 to give to a friend, and you couldn’t really tell any were gone.  The 3 Banana trees we bought 7yrs ago(with the Elephant Ears) were only 3 ft tall, now they tower past the porch roof, and every year each plant gives me a new baby.

This is my first summer working this “Evening-Hybrid” shift, and I have to say, my yard is paying for it.  I have lots of overgrowth.  It’s gotten to the point where my actual thought process is:  If i let it go another week then the weeds will be easier to pull.  And this is true, but it doesn’t change the crazy overgrowth.  The more I thought about it–all the yardwork, the more it spirals into a seemingly un-achievable task. It’s really not—it’s a solid weekend of work, but that’s about it.

The thing is….it’s kind of a metaphor for my life right now–wanting to do ALL THE THINGS, but getting overwhelmed and being a deer in headlights.  It’s been accumulating all year, the things to do, and it wasn’t until i saw how back the plants were that I realized I am neglecting to take care of my LIFE.  I am  an order of smothered/covered/chunked&diced hashbrowns from Waffle House—-I am one thing with WAY too many other things on it.  Like those hamburgers with donuts as buns.  I’m not running at 100%.  I’m trying—but this multi-tasking chick keeps dropping the eggs instead of placing them gently in the basket.  The moral of this story is I need help.

I’m a Capricorn, 500000% a Cap.  I love it and loathe it.   I love it because it’s spurred on my independence and creativity to find a way “to do it my own damn self”.  But I abhor asking for help.   Help means weakness and that is just something I’m willing to show.  But I’m trying…just saying the words “I need help”, helps.  As much as I am a messy artist, I also crave order, and security.   Those are two things that are lacking from my life right now.  I need someone to tell me that it’s going to be ok and that this is just a stellar character building experience.  I need a friend who will help me hoe out my closet*, not to mention the garage.  I need to purge, to get rid of some of this crap that I’ve been hanging on to for years.

I also need to increase my side-hustle. I’ve been working on a bunch of things and have listed NONE of it on Etsy yet.  I have stuff to sell on eBay, and ECME.  These things need to be done and I need more hours in a day,  because I can’t do this alone.  I admit it, I can’t do this alone, and I feel like I am.  In #keepingit100 I will say not only do I feel alone, but judged for trying to do it all. This doesn’t mean I GAF if anyone is judging me, but I feel it.  I’m an empath–I know how you are feeling before you do.

So now the Universe knows what I need, and I look forward to what may happen in the next few days and weeks.  If nothing else, I know I will find the motivation to get some yard work done this week.