The Little Things.

I’m sure this isn’t anything that’s been “proven”, but I speak from experience that for some people it’s 100% accurate.  A few months ago I had to stop getting my nails done.  I’ve been having them done for about 22yrs now,  and while I have always taken breaks from time to time to let my nails have some “time off”, it’s different when it’s not a choice, but a necessity.  The last year has taught me a lot about choice vs necessity.

I know it doesn’t sound like those are things that are really at odds with each other, but it’s the only way to describe my current situation.  Choice v. Necessity.   Is this something I “want” to do, or do I HAVE to do it because no one else will?   The number of things that I’ve found I HAVE to do has grown exponentially over the last couple years–and that’s something that I didn’t even realize I was allowing to control my life.  I do my  best to not bring my personal life into this blog too much….I know, I know, I spend most of the time talking about my experiences, but I never mean to intentionally cause anyone pain.  It’s like when you make a new friend and you have another friend in common that introduced you, and if you have concerns about the common-friend, is it ok to talk about it, or is that gossip?  I did that one time a few years back and then new-friend told old-friend about it and now I’m not friends with either of them which is fine because obviously they are some catty bitches, but this is what sucks about being a chick and maneuvering friendships as an adult.   When I was a kid I made friends easily, and everywhere.  If we were traveling, and there was a pool, it was nearly guaranteed that I would be besties with the other kids by the end of the day.  In some cases, we’d ever become pen pals.  For those of you who don’t remember a pre-internet life, that’s when you exchange addresses and write letters to each other.  I loved being a pen pal, I excelled at it.  My ability to make friends has only grown as I have “matured”(I have to use quotes because I can’t say it with a straight face)–I’m a pretty easy person to chat with, and I love new people, so I do gather friends easily.  But there is a big difference between making friends and keeping friends.  Over the last year I have really culled my friendships, determining who I am friends with because I feel like I “should” be or which people are really draining me emotionally.  As far as I can tell, that’s about the only good thing to come from my shitty shift, is that I prioritize who is worth my time.  I can’t be everything for everyone, and I finally see that and have stopped trying.  It’s sad when I realize someone doesn’t value my friendship as much as I value theirs, but recognizing it and being ok with that is something that I keep working at, like a dog with a bone.

But, I digress.

The moral of this story is I fucking miss getting my nails done and while it seems petty and superficial, it turns out it was pretty vital to how I identify my look.  And over Christmas my mom mentioned how my nails always used to look perfect—which makes me even more sad because she does not easily give compliments, and I never knew she even noticed my nails, let alone thought they looked good.

 

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